Resolutions
by ThyDeviousViolet
Summary: For the new year, Scully lingers on the ways she failed with Mulder the first time.


_We can assume that all the events of season 10 occurred in this universe, aside from that God awful last episode that I still refuse to address. We don't need anymore pain from the last year._

 _But, in the way I see it, and if you've read my other fictions, I think Mulder sank into a deep depression, and Scully eventually left to escape the pain. Some of that is mentioned below._

 _Happy reading!_

* * *

 **2015**

When he'd left, there was a certain twinge of pain that rose in her throat, like a food bolus unable to be properly swallowed. Funny enough, she thought it would be easy to be without him.

It's not like it was a shock, they'd been growing apart for years.

As a logical woman, it was not in her nature to dwell on the issue. Emotions were not her forte. It was clear they could do no more to rekindle how everything was before all of this madness had happened. She'd known long ago that it would have been best to remove the pain quickly like a band-aid, but instead they'd tortured each other with mere presence alone until they both could take no more.

It always seemed to start that way. One day, you look upon someone with new eyes, and whatever it was that you used to see before was clearly long gone. It was confusing, for a moment, but once the resentment started to build (which inevitably does; why take blame upon ourselves when we can blame the other person) there's no way to turn back time.

But…it had been over between them even longer than that; it had crept up on them with an agonizing pace. In the back of her mind, she recalled when she'd first noticed something was different. They were at the table one morning, sipping their coffee, and she caught it: his gaze was fixed somewhere far beyond them. His attention span, or lack thereof, was no longer a shock. But, what frightened her, was that it was the first time she made a conscious effort not to earn his focus back again.

It was almost a dare.

A dare for him to distance himself from her, if he were no longer able to feel that almost psychic connection between them. She longed for so much more, and he was no longer able to provide.

There was pride at stake here. She would not beg for his attention or his affection, especially if he was no longer able to sense that basic need. At the root of it all, even at his worst, she thought he should still want to understand her. Without that, all her trust completely faded in him.

It hurt her inside, a little bit…but more than anything, she felt odd satisfaction. At least, in this way, when it was finally over, she could at least feel comfort in knowing it ahead of time.

Yet, in hindsight, it felt like an act. To act as a cold, unfeeling monster toward the man you'd given your entire life towards. She could pretend when he wasn't there, especially once she'd moved away from him for good.

Only then, in her isolation, did she lose herself to her own grief. It burned inside her lungs, an ache for him…mental preparation meant nothing when faced with pure reality. She was miserable without him, and she wanted him to chase her like he'd chased everything else in his life.

But, he didn't.

She knew he wouldn't. Truth be told, she knew it was her fault for not being transparent about her emotions. Yes, she was well aware he loved her, but that just wasn't enough anymore. After all these years, why should she keep settling?

For a while, she'd gone through the motions in the relationship to keep from being alone. But once she realized they spent more time alone while together, it haunted her to her core.

If she was going to be alone, she'd fare far better alone with herself than alone with Fox Mulder.

That thought alone was the only thing that kept her going…

 **2016**

…Until he came back.

It's not even as though he were resurrected from the dead, come to make amends for all her injury.

It was as though he were an entirely new man all together, a better mold for herself than she ever thought possible, and so wonderful she scarcely believed it was happening.

Intensive therapy can do that to a man.

The expectations were brief at first, if not bleak.

"Hey, Scully…I know it's been a while. Uh, I'd like to see you, if you'd be okay with that. Just… let me know."

His words flowed with the sort of clumsy hesitation that can come from uncertainty. In response to hearing his tone on her voicemail, something subtle bloomed in the pit of her stomach. It wasn't hope, or a sense of reconcile, but rather a need for a human connection.

It had been a long while since she'd actually had that in her personal life.

They'd met for coffee. It was simple, really. The conversation flowed quite nicely. No sensitive topics were brought up, and no grand promises were made. They'd briefly embraced after it ended. Both went their separate ways.

And, neither of them could get the other off the mind.

Slowly…very slowly, they began to do more together. It was like they had grown stronger in each others absence, being forced to thrive alone.

The old romantic concept of a young couple sharing a life seemed silly and forgotten. It seemed so much more relevant that two whole people learn to share life at an older age without being dependent on one another. Perhaps that was where they'd gone wrong at first…

Perhaps they'd loved so deeply the first time that it was destined to ruin. There were too many loose ends up in the air for anything healthy to have thrived the first time through. They'd both been so broken together.

It was a bit of a struggle, once it became apparent that they were both completely taken with each other (again). The second time around it almost felt easier, and though slow and steady, it still happened more quickly than the first time.

Seven years time seems a little ridiculous when you're in your late forties.

But, that was the trap. It actually wasn't easier at all. If anything, it was more difficult to learn each other again after all the terrible things they'd done to one another, for one another.

Mulder had the definite advantage of being more in tune with his soft side. This time around, it forced her especially to come to terms with trusting him, really trusting him, with her emotions. Though she had known that before, it was her job now to unfold in a way that she had never done in the past. The tiny part of herself that always kept him at bay, away from her inner thoughts, was now baited by him to come out to play.

In fact, it was rather uncomfortable.

But, for every layer that she was willing to reveal, it seemed like he was there with open arms and kind eyes. Once she realized it wasn't an act, and that he was fully capable of giving her all she could need and more, she deeply regretted having buried her emotions for years.

It was as though they were perfect partners all along, but they'd just now understood how to make it work. Though it soured her stomach at all the time wasted and the pain they'd caused one another…she felt like perhaps they'd earned their happiness.

Neither of them was willing to sabotage the bliss they had gained.

If they had initially come this far together, while not really opening up to one another, perhaps the rest of their future would be simply marvelous.

"Twenty-three years, Scully…can you believe it?" he gently nudged her from behind, careful not to jolt the champagne in her hand. It was as if she melted into his touch, like the thrill of it alone was a novelty, instead of stiffening as she had done for years.

"It is a ridiculously long time, Mulder," she replied, voice warm. As she turned to face him, there was something in her eyes that took him away, and he gleamed.

"How the hell did we make it this far…" he remarked after a long pause, unable to take his gaze from the way she made him feel with those baby blues.

"I haven't the slightest idea. But, you've made me a very happy woman, and I thank you for it," the words fell like honey out of her mouth. It was so intoxicating to see her in this way that he looked away, in an attempt to grip at reality.

"…There's still a lot we need to work on-"

Fear briefly appeared in her eyes, before she replaced it with determination and interjected.

"-I know, believe me, I do. I'm just…I'm thankful that we've-"

"-but I'll be damned if I don't love you."

The words overwhelmed her, and she didn't know why. Maybe it was because they'd forced themselves to stop saying it out of habit, and only when they felt it in the moment. Any other way seemed to cheapen what it both meant to them…made it easier to take it all for granted.

"I don't know how after all this time you still manage to make me weak at the knees," she choked, with something in her chest that tingled, having been released.

"I've still got it," he chuckled, and winked at her.

When the clock struck midnight, the new year bid promise.

* * *

 _If anything, and if I'm being honest, I think I'm Scully here. It's why I went with the limited perspective. Hell, I don't know what happened, I got a little nostalgic thinking back on this year. There's a sort of death and rebirth that she feels here with Mulder at the end. Personally, I feel like a similar pattern happened in my relationships this year._

 _And man, was 2016 a rough one. But, halfway though, after recovering from a slew of issues and getting my life back on the track I saw fit, I accidentally stumbled upon a pure gem of a man. I've always found myself the kind that struggles with expressing emotion, much like Scully, so I literally had to tell myself to stop getting in my own way and let the man in, considering I felt he deserved it. And...I was shocked to find he didn't disappoint._

 _There was an earned trust in the goodness of humanity that came from him, and I'm thankful he's showed me that, because it had been missing prior. I'm so glad at the growth I've had this year, and that I'll soon be done with my program of study at university, and that no matter how bad things seem...there's always an end to the pain if we can endure it._

 _If any of you are in a dark place right now, sitting exactly where I was last year, I want you to know that it gets better. You're loved, and you're worthy, and pain is temporary even though it feels agonizing._

 _...now that I've rambled, I'm finished. Thank you all, and happy 2017 :)_

 _***to give credit where it is due, the line "make amends for all her injury" is almost blatantly from the Gustav Holst song "I Love My Love". It's a dark, great acapella tune if you have the time to listen to it***_


End file.
